Etiquette Encore: Mastering Wedding Guest Manners with DJ ESG AKA Eric Scott Gold

What's up, guys? Djesg season 7 on its wedding advice, and today I'm talking about what not to do at somebody else's wedding. So I'm talking to the wedding guests right now, not the bride, not the groom, not the couples, not the brides, not the grooms, not the parents, not the bridal party. I'm talking about people that are invites to weddings. Number one don't wear white. No shit, you'd be surprised. I've seen people show up in white stuff before that had a vagina. You do not want to wear white. If you're a female, please don't do it. I've seen some guys wear white before, but they're under shirts. They go under the suit jacket. Please do not wear white to a wedding. Don't be late. Try not to be late. If the ceremony starts at 4.30, aim for 4.15. Don't be walking in the door at no 5 o'clock. Oh, I missed the ceremony. No shit, you missed the ceremony. You could have been here an hour and a half ago, but you didn't feel like sitting down for 30 minutes. Don't lie. Don't blame it on traffic. I drove down the same traffic. I was here on time. Where were you?

Don't bring uninvited guests. Don't bring a plus one or somebody that you know is not going to get along with the wedding couple or the vibe of that evening. Don't bring a drug addict. Don't bring an alcoholic. Don't bring anybody there to that wedding. As a plus one, the couple would rather you come solo than bring an idiot. Don't upstage the couple. Don't do stuff that would require people to stare at you.

I had a wedding one time and a girl was not wearing underwear. She pulled up her dress on the side and every time she went down you saw it come out and all the guys knew it, but the bride didn't know what to do about it. So she just kind of went with it and it turned into a joke. Don't upstage the couple. Don't overindulge in alcohol. Don't get shitfaced and wind up on the floor in the bathroom or throwing up all over my speakers or the table. I've seen somebody throw up all over a table before because they were so drunk they couldn't handle it. That's gross, that's disgusting. That was the bride's brother, but oh well, it happens.

Don't criticize the arrangements. You don't know why those centerpieces are the way they are. Maybe the couple didn't have money. Maybe it's just what they wanted. Maybe it came along with the venue. Don't criticize the arrangements. If the chicken's not perfect, it's not because they didn't want it to be, it's because they can only afford 75 ahead, not 350 ahead. That chicken was par-cooked by somebody named Pedro. It wasn't cooked to order by French chef LaFont. You know what I'm saying.

Don't forget to RSVP. When you get that card in the mail and you hold on to it for a long time, the couple doesn't know how many meals to order. It's got nothing to do with. I don't know if I'm coming or not. You know if you're coming or not. If you can't come, tell them you can't come. If you can come, tell them you can come, even if it's a maybe. There's places on that card that say maybe sometimes. So the bride and groom at least know to check back in with you at a closer date. But at least you're giving them something. The couple knows what's going on.

Don't be disrespectful during the ceremony. Shut your phone off If they say it's unplugged. Stop taking pictures. Make sure you're not fidgeting around. Don't be coughing. Don't be chewing gum. Don't have a freaking cigarette. Don't drink. Just be respectful. The ceremonies nowadays are not that long, especially ones at venues In the church. Different story, that's between you and God.

Don't bring gifts to the wedding. What I mean by that isn't like don't bring a gift Unless you know specifically that the bride and groom want something, like if it was on their registry and nobody bought it for them, or something like that. Just give them an envelope with some cash in it. Let them buy whatever the hell they want. You showing up with something in a big, oversized package wrapped in gold or silver is great, but honestly, just give them cash or a check. Let them buy whatever it is that they want. It makes the most sense. It's the easiest for you to carry in there and it's the easiest for them to carry out of there.

Don't ignore the dress code. I have seen so many people dress like dog shit to weddings recently. Please, slippers. I saw somebody show up in a pair of socks and leave their shoes in the car. You want to take your shoes off. Take them off after the ceremony. If the shoes don't work or the shoes don't fit, you shouldn't have put them on in the first place. Do not walk into a place looking like you're about to go into a gymnasium Dress the part it doesn't have to be black tie, but looks somewhat presentable.

Don't leave early without saying goodbye, even if it's saying goodbye to somebody in the family. Don't just Irish out. Some people do that. I hate it. I think it's the most disrespectful thing to just Irish out of a place, not even saying goodbye.

People do it to me all the time, like, listen, I'm the DJ, I was here for six hours. At least you can do it, say goodbye or thank you or say something oh, there goes the whole bridal party, there goes mom and dad, see you, nice to uh, nice to have planned everything with you and spent the whole day with you, but you couldn't even say goodbye to me. Thank you, bye, and I'll say it real loud too. But, um, no, you know, just, if you're leaving the wedding, just say goodbye to somebody, even if it's not the couple, because they're on dance for having a good time. Think about a mom, think about a dad. Just make sure somebody knows you left. So the following day at the brunch if somebody goes, hey, you know, marcy and Steve left without saying anything and then mom can go. No, no, I talked to them. They didn't want to bother you because you were out dancing, but they said something to me and they were so happy, they had a great time and yada, yada, yada done over.

And last but not least, don't assume dietary restrictions. That's why, earlier on, when you get that little car in the mail and you can tell them what kind of dietary restrictions you have, that's when you do all that. So it's makes the most sense circling background at the beginning of this entire podcast to get that little slip in early enough so that the couple can accommodate you, which also goes with don't criticize the arrangement, so it all kind of goes back together. See what I'm saying? Just come, have a good time, bring an envelope, put something in it, dress the part, don't dress like a slob, blend in, don't blend out, if you know what I mean, and have fun. That's a wedding right there. That's a good time. That's a good Friday night out. I'm ESG. It's great advice. Peace, love and God above and I'm out.